A Wild Hair

Monday, June 23, 2008

Ever since I was about ten years old, I've been sprouting these bizarre hairs on my body. They are thick and white like fishing floss. I remember the first time I had one. Something was itching on the side of my eye. I went into the bathroom and climbed up on the counter so that I could get a good look at it through the mirror. I know that a normal person would stand in front of a sink and bend to the mirror, but I was ten... and the average size of a six year old. With my knees strategically placed one on either side of the sink I leaned in and contorted my face the way one does when trying to look at a particular spot.

What was that?!?!?! A long, clear piece of hair was coming out of the corner of my eye. That is so weird! I have to get it out. I had no understanding of tweezers and immediately started trying to pull it out with my fingers. It took a little while, but finally it came off. I looked at the hair in my had and it was wild. It was about a half an inch long and really really thick... my only question - Where did this come from?!

As each year passed, it was marked with pulling out clearish white hairs from various places on my body, usually on my arm or face somewhere. I'd normally catch them when they were really small and I'd pull them out immediately. One time I was sitting and getting a well deserved pedicure and my mom spotted a white hair growing on the back of my arm. I had not seen it at that point and so I looked at her and asked, "What is up with this? Do I have to always get these? Where do they come from?" I guess that the pedicurist overheard our conversation because she was like, "No! No! Don't pull them out, they good luck! Bring lots of money!" I was so confused! So now I have sacred white hairs that keep popping up and the reason that we've always been dirt poor and struggling is because all this time I've been just ripping them out?!

It was a good laugh and fun to believe that this freakish occurence might have a real positive tune to it in the end, but we knew the reality. My body is just weird. A couple of days ago I was slathering my stomach down with the latest in moisturizing, collegen replacing elastin something or other and I felt something on one of my old stretch marks; battle wounds from my first pregnancy. I looked down and thought to myself... well... it must be a mole tag, those always grow when I'm pregnant. Instead of letting it go, though, I figured I might take a quick pull at it with the tweezers to make sure. It was not long enough to visibly look like a hair, but it was just a little too long to look like a skin tag too. I grabbed the tweezers and skillfully removed it from the stretch mark. It was LONG. I mean... really really long. It looked like a big toenail clipping after all was said and done.

The last time I talked to my mom about it, she mentioned that she read an article about women that get those random hairs and read that it was some sort of disease. Great. This is just what I need... a fishing hair disease.

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