I've been called many names throughout my life as I am positive everyone has. And sure... its hurt. I've spent many hours crying over names that people have called me or things that people have said about me that simply aren't true. Not to say that I'm especially a target for name calling and the like, as I think that sometimes when people say the same things about you over and over, there must be truth to it.
No. What happens is that I go name free for a couple of years or so and then I do something to stand out in the crowd. I excel even though I'm young. I work hard at what I do and I do it well. I don't think that a lot of people like that. I don't know why. I just want to do well and please my boss... but apparently this is shit. I shouldn't strive and try hard... I should just piddle around and wait for someone to promote me for doing nothing.
So... I'm a little cynical. Whatever. I'm just not taking positions anymore that require leadership. I had a position as a director of a childcare center and even though the directing part was impeccable, I was still the refuse bin for shit that people wanted to complain about and the target to pin all blame on if something didn't go the way the parents or administration had envisioned. Things change. People are sporadic and unpredictable, but unfortunately this seems to be a running theme among people living in America... the idea that you can control things and that if things don't work out the way that you want them to that you have the right to needlessly try to destroy someone's career.
A Wild Hair
Monday, June 23, 2008
Ever since I was about ten years old, I've been sprouting these bizarre hairs on my body. They are thick and white like fishing floss. I remember the first time I had one. Something was itching on the side of my eye. I went into the bathroom and climbed up on the counter so that I could get a good look at it through the mirror. I know that a normal person would stand in front of a sink and bend to the mirror, but I was ten... and the average size of a six year old. With my knees strategically placed one on either side of the sink I leaned in and contorted my face the way one does when trying to look at a particular spot.
What was that?!?!?! A long, clear piece of hair was coming out of the corner of my eye. That is so weird! I have to get it out. I had no understanding of tweezers and immediately started trying to pull it out with my fingers. It took a little while, but finally it came off. I looked at the hair in my had and it was wild. It was about a half an inch long and really really thick... my only question - Where did this come from?!
As each year passed, it was marked with pulling out clearish white hairs from various places on my body, usually on my arm or face somewhere. I'd normally catch them when they were really small and I'd pull them out immediately. One time I was sitting and getting a well deserved pedicure and my mom spotted a white hair growing on the back of my arm. I had not seen it at that point and so I looked at her and asked, "What is up with this? Do I have to always get these? Where do they come from?" I guess that the pedicurist overheard our conversation because she was like, "No! No! Don't pull them out, they good luck! Bring lots of money!" I was so confused! So now I have sacred white hairs that keep popping up and the reason that we've always been dirt poor and struggling is because all this time I've been just ripping them out?!
It was a good laugh and fun to believe that this freakish occurence might have a real positive tune to it in the end, but we knew the reality. My body is just weird. A couple of days ago I was slathering my stomach down with the latest in moisturizing, collegen replacing elastin something or other and I felt something on one of my old stretch marks; battle wounds from my first pregnancy. I looked down and thought to myself... well... it must be a mole tag, those always grow when I'm pregnant. Instead of letting it go, though, I figured I might take a quick pull at it with the tweezers to make sure. It was not long enough to visibly look like a hair, but it was just a little too long to look like a skin tag too. I grabbed the tweezers and skillfully removed it from the stretch mark. It was LONG. I mean... really really long. It looked like a big toenail clipping after all was said and done.
The last time I talked to my mom about it, she mentioned that she read an article about women that get those random hairs and read that it was some sort of disease. Great. This is just what I need... a fishing hair disease.
What was that?!?!?! A long, clear piece of hair was coming out of the corner of my eye. That is so weird! I have to get it out. I had no understanding of tweezers and immediately started trying to pull it out with my fingers. It took a little while, but finally it came off. I looked at the hair in my had and it was wild. It was about a half an inch long and really really thick... my only question - Where did this come from?!
As each year passed, it was marked with pulling out clearish white hairs from various places on my body, usually on my arm or face somewhere. I'd normally catch them when they were really small and I'd pull them out immediately. One time I was sitting and getting a well deserved pedicure and my mom spotted a white hair growing on the back of my arm. I had not seen it at that point and so I looked at her and asked, "What is up with this? Do I have to always get these? Where do they come from?" I guess that the pedicurist overheard our conversation because she was like, "No! No! Don't pull them out, they good luck! Bring lots of money!" I was so confused! So now I have sacred white hairs that keep popping up and the reason that we've always been dirt poor and struggling is because all this time I've been just ripping them out?!
It was a good laugh and fun to believe that this freakish occurence might have a real positive tune to it in the end, but we knew the reality. My body is just weird. A couple of days ago I was slathering my stomach down with the latest in moisturizing, collegen replacing elastin something or other and I felt something on one of my old stretch marks; battle wounds from my first pregnancy. I looked down and thought to myself... well... it must be a mole tag, those always grow when I'm pregnant. Instead of letting it go, though, I figured I might take a quick pull at it with the tweezers to make sure. It was not long enough to visibly look like a hair, but it was just a little too long to look like a skin tag too. I grabbed the tweezers and skillfully removed it from the stretch mark. It was LONG. I mean... really really long. It looked like a big toenail clipping after all was said and done.
The last time I talked to my mom about it, she mentioned that she read an article about women that get those random hairs and read that it was some sort of disease. Great. This is just what I need... a fishing hair disease.
Does this pee stick make me look fat?
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I spent WAY too much money on my last pregnancy test. I mean, really... the dollar store test would have done the trick just the same. How difficult is it to detect the hormone pregnancy? Fertility has never been a difficult waiting game for me, it's more like a trip and fall right into it kind of game for me. It's easy, though, to forget yourself and get lost in the recounts of many women on the road to pregnancy. Most of them have been trying for at least a couple of months and some of them for over a year or so.
I remember getting the phonecall from my husband while he was on a business trip with the governor in Tampa.
"Hey honey, I've been thinking... Rowan's getting older... and we don't want him to be too much older than our other babies... so I think we should just go ahead and get pregnant." Mind you... a week earlier I had scheduled a doctor's appointment to have Mirena, an intrauterine contraceptive, implanted into my uterus. This would mean 2-5 years of fruitless baby making-which is always fun too-but COME ON! I guess that he got cold feet on the whole pregnancy issue.
At any rate, back to the reason I titled the post the way that I did. Does this pee stick make me look fat? I ask because I swear that the second I held it steadily in the stream and watched it develop--ok... you got me, I didn't sit and watch it develop, it was digital--and say PREGNANT, my stomach immediately molded to a roundish kind of pregnant ball shape and my boobs swelled up two cup sizes. No joke. I guess that what they say is true to the extreme for me: After you have one baby, you show sooner with your others. In my case I didn't show until six months with my first, and even then it was a tiny little cute bump and with number two I pissed on a stick and now look like I did at seven months pregnant.
So... I've been Wiisearching and have come up completely dry for the Wii Fit. I've gotta do something about maintaining... lord knows I don't want to blow up like I did with Rowan.
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